i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
