hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
too bad you live with your parents still
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
