I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
