I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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