Christians are straight up FREAKS
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
