When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
