I want to have your abortion
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
