I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
