I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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