I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
