i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
