You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
