i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
