i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
