I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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