He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
