So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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