Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
