get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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