my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
