the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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