We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
