Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
