trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
