I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
