i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What a dumb baby whore.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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