I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
