I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
