I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
