sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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