well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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