Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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