He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
