just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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