I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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