he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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