I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
