I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
