why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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