3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
