I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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