highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)