Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped