checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.