Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.