We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
