I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
