so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
