My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
