so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
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I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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