Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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