Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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