So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
