Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
