I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize