Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
