Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
