Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
