guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
