I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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