Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
