I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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