I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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