i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
