Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
