Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
