I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
