Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
