i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
