i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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