Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
