My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The ass gains better be worth it
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