I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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